Normal Is Not the Same as Healthy
Western culture has normalized many toxic beliefs and behaviors and made them hard to resist
Do you wonder what’s wrong with you when you can’t conform to society’s expectations? Do you blame or shame yourself when you’re unable or unwilling to live a “normal” life? I used to (and occasionally still do).
These words from
’s “The Gathering” newsletter echo my thoughts:The problem with living in an unconventional way, in not following the path society has laid out for you, is that, when the experience becomes hard, it’s tempting to assume your choices were wrong. If you’d stuck to the thing that you were told you were supposed to do, everything would have been ok.
… There have also been many times over the last six years of self-employment that I’ve been tempted to run back into the secure, if somewhat abusive, arms of a corporate job to escape the pressure and uncertainty of building something that I believe in. By now, I’ve made peace with the fact that there’s no going back - I’m unemployable now. There’s no way that I could go back to following someone else’s orders, working to someone else’s schedule, making someone else’s money. I know the world of conventional jobs is closed to me now, but it doesn’t stop me beating myself up from time to time for leaving it in the first place. If I hadn’t stepped through the portal, if I hadn’t lingered so long in this other realm of freedom and possibility but also responsibility and no safety net, then the door might not have been sealed shut behind me …
Previously, I believed that I lacked some essential quality that “normal” people have, because even when I had a “good” job I wasn’t happy. But now I realize that the problem isn’t me; it’s the warped values and misplaced priorities of society. I’ve written about how toxic our culture has become in previous posts:
And
also knows that society is the real problem:But the problem isn’t you. It’s not the life choices you made. It’s the society we’re trying to exist in. It’s living in a system that treats people as resources to be used up instead of individuals to be nurtured. It’s under-resourced, under-funded education that wants to churn out obedient worker bees for the capitalist hive and has no capacity or enthusiasm for unique skills or viewpoints. It’s workplaces that demand that we give our all and leave our lives and senses of self at the door, but that offer very little (either in security and financial compensation or in respect and emotional support) in return …
So does
, another Substack writer whose newsletter I subscribe to. A vacation reminded her that other countries have healthier cultural norms:I realized there are other places in the world (not just Italy) where life isn't about conspicuous consumption and "crushing" and "killing" your life goals, where people aren't drowning in debt just to pay for basic life necessities. There are places where people have free time and where that free time is used to do things they love — not to start a side hustle. I started to have a dawning awareness that we don't have to live this way.
No, we don’t have to live the way our cultures (the UK for Allegra and the U.S. for Kirsten and me) teach us we’re supposed to. We may be ridiculed or rejected if we refuse to conform to those expectations. We may face financial challenges if we leave jobs that require us to do things we consider unreasonable and/or unethical.
But we may also live happier, more authentic lives and have healthier relationships. We may find or create work that is more rewarding and makes better use of our knowledge, skills, and experience. We may learn to embrace and express our uniqueness instead of being afraid or ashamed of it.
And I’d much rather live authentically and do what I know is best for me than conform to society’s expectations, regardless of the consequences. How about you?
P.S. I created a wonderful ebook that combines my nature photos with inspirational quotes to encourage everyone to embrace their unique beauty and share it with the world. And it’s on sale now for $9.99!