3 Cs That Give Us The Courage We Need To Change What We Can
And continue to act courageously without burning out or giving up
The cruelty, corruption, and ineptitude of my country’s president and other global leaders is horrifying. What can those of us who are appalled by their actions do?
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless to do anything. But, as Minnesota residents have demonstrated, ordinary people can do a lot. This article in The Guardian shares examples of what courage (and non-violent resistance) in action looks like:
[T]ens of thousands of Minnesotans have played a role in defending their neighbors from ICE. They patrol in their cars and document agents, give rides to people who feel unsafe driving, stand outside schools at drop-offs and dismissals to protect children and their parents, deliver groceries and supplies to families who are staying inside for fear of detention, and crowdfunding (sic) legal aid or rent.
Not everyone is willing or able to engage in activities like these, but there are plenty of other ways to peacefully protest abuses of power in the United States and elsewhere.
But how do we find the courage to publicly take a stand against abusive leaders and unjust policies when we know that doing so could get us arrested or killed? How do we respond to hate and violence in constructive ways that lead to positive changes?
Three Cs That Can Help Us Act Courageously and Peacefully
I believe that courage is a skill that anyone can develop. Like any other skill, it requires practice. We will never perfect it and there will be situations in which we fail to exercise it. We can, however, increase the odds that we will act courageously by cultivating three essential qualities: clarity, calmness, and connection. These qualities are helpful in any interaction, public or private.
Clarity
It’s hard to address a problematic behavior or situation if we aren’t clear about our role. Did our actions contribute to the problem in some way? How is the problem affecting us? What can we do to change the situation? If we can’t change it, how can we change our response?
As James Baldwin wrote in a 1962 essay about the necessity of confronting painful truths, “Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.”
People in Minneapolis saw clearly what ICE and Border Patrol agents were doing and the harm it was causing. Cody, one person who has followed and videoed ICE agents there, was prepared to respond in that way because he had paid attention to ICE agents’ actions in other cities: As The Guardian reported:
He had taken legal bystander training in November when other cities were experiencing ICE’s crackdowns. And in early January, as more and more stories surfaced about people being taken by federal agents from their families, at bus stops, from their jobs, it became clear to him that Minnesotans needed to do whatever they could.
In my own life, clarity has helped me see the role that I play in arguments with my husband Steve. I tend to overreact to perceived criticisms and focus on defending myself instead of listening to what he is saying. Being aware of that pattern has helped us relate better, communicate more effectively, and stay happily married for nearly 35 years.
Calmness
It’s hard to stay calm when someone is shouting at or insulting you. I tend to either yell back or burst into tears. Neither of those reactions is helpful. I have learned that when I’m feeling strong emotions I need to remove myself from the situation to process my emotions and calm down before I resume the conversation. Otherwise, I’m likely to say something I’ll regret later.
My go-to methods for calming down are walking (ideally in nature, but even a fast walk around the block can work wonders) and tapping* (affiliate link to the tapping app that I use daily and highly recommend).
Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with someone shouting at me while holding a weapon or attacking me physically. To respond in ways that de-escalate conflict instead of adding fuel to the fire is even more difficult under those circumstances.
That’s why civil rights leaders and others provide training in non-violent resistance. According to The Rev. James Lawson, a trainer for Nashville lunch counter sit-ins and union struggles:
“The only hope for we the people of the USA in the 21st century is if we have campaign after campaign and movement upon movement of nonviolent soul force, direct action that will make the Rosa Parks and King movements pale beside them.”
Community
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website notes that “research shows that the effects of solitary confinement on mental health are often fatal, both during and after incarceration.”
Even introverts like me need some time with other people. As Brené Brown, who has spent the last 20 years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, writes in her latest book, Strong Ground:
Connection is why we’re here; it is the strong ground from which we can stabilize and find solid footing in an unstable world, and it provides the foundation for us to grow, push, change direction, and leap.
Because I know how important (and rare) genuine connections and safe places to talk about the issues weighing so heavily on our hearts and minds are these days, I offer in-person and online workshops and groups.
I also have an online community for paid subscribers. It includes monthly live gatherings on Zoom and the opportunity for ongoing conversations in private group chat threads on Substack. I just started that community in January, so it’s a small one for now, but we’ve had some great in-depth conversations. Topics have included how to love ourselves and others and how to find the courage to change what we can in our lives and the world. We’d love to have you join us!
Final Thoughts
It’s not just children who need a village; adults do, too. “Divide and conquer,” which Wikipedia defines as “the practice of creating divisions between opponents to prevent them from uniting against a common foe, allowing the one who divides to gain or maintain political control,” has been an effective strategy for authoritarian leaders.
As adults with the clarity to see how we’re being manipulated and terrorized, we can help each other find the courage to resist peacefully. We can engage in mindfulness practices like tapping * to calm our anxiety. We can share coping strategies and brainstorm constructive responses to specific situations.
And we can remember that we are each parts of an interconnected whole. In the words of Revolutionary Love Project founder and Sikh activist Valarie Kaur, “you are a part of me that I do not yet know.”
*Tapping is an incredibly effective way to reduce anxiety (as measured by blood cortisol levels). In addition to 500+ tapping meditations, the tapping app I use has inspirational quotes, daily affirmations, audiobooks, and more. If you use my affiliate link, you’ll get a free 14-day trial and 50% off an annual subscription. I’ll get a small commission at no extra cost to you.
I don’t put any content below the paywall, but I do paywall the comments on most posts. It’s the most effective way I know to keep out trolls and AI bots and creates a safer space for honest discussions.