As We Age, We Experience More Losses, But Grief Can Help Us Create Better Lives
Losses often lead to personal growth and positive changes
As I get older, my list of losses gets longer. But so does my list of ways I’ve grown and positive changes I’ve made as a result of those losses. Can you relate?
An “e-meditation” I received from the Henri Nouwen Society began with an interesting question: “Is aging a way to the darkness or to the light?”
For me, aging is a way to both. Some of my darkest days have led me to bright lights I would not have found any other way. I might have seen those lights from a distance, but I would not have had the courage to walk toward them.
The darkness of grief and despair brought on by losses can lead us to question our current beliefs and lives. Painful losses can help us realize what truly matters. They open our eyes to the ways we want our lives to be different.
The losses I’ve experienced have shown me that our lives can change drastically or end at any moment. That harsh truth has taught me to do whatever it takes to live the life I want now instead of hoping I’ll be able to later. It’s inspired me to leave my former career and become a solopreneur at age 54.
What have your painful losses taught you? What changes have they inspired you to make?
The “e-meditation” I referenced earlier is an excerpt from You Are The Beloved, a devotional book by Henri Nouwen. It includes Nouwen’s answer to the question of whether aging is a way to darkness or light:
(T)he answer can only be brought forth from the center of our being. No one can decide for anyone else how his or her aging shall or should be. …Ultimately, it can only be discovered and affirmed in the freedom of the heart. There we are able to decide between segregation and unity, between desolation and hope, between loss of self and a new, re-creating vision.
For me, that decision has to be made every day. I alternate between desolation and hope. I am excited by the new, re-creating vision of the life I want (and already have in some ways), but also terrified. Is it wise to make these changes? Are they worth the risks, time, and effort required to make them?
There’s no way to know the answers to those questions in advance. All any of us can do is make the most of today, because we can’t predict what will happen tomorrow. I’d rather take risks to create the life I want, even if those risks turn out to be mistakes, than tolerate an unfulfilling life because it’s easier or seems safer.
How about you?
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