Changes Rarely Happen Quickly or Easily

To achieve them, we need to support each other and refuse to give in to despair

Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash

The start of a new year causes most of us to think about how we want this year to be different. We’re eager to make changes that will improve our lives. We resolve to do things like eat healthier, exercise more often, and be more compassionate.

It can also turn our attention to the changes we long to see in the wider world. We want wars to cease, corrupt leaders to be held accountable, and love to be stronger than hate. We want the well-being of all people and the planet to be prioritized over increasing the wealth and power of an elite few.

So we try to figure out how we can help make those changes happen. We take the actions we think are most likely to lead to the results we want. But our efforts often fail to produce those outcomes. At least not in the time frame we had in mind.

When that happens, it’s easy to lose hope. We’re tempted to give up because what we’ve done doesn’t seem to have made any difference. Or at least not enough of a difference to convince us the changes are still possible and worth striving for.

But significant changes require sustained efforts.

As Rebecca Solnit points out in her wonderful book, Hope in the Dark (affiliate link),

Change is rarely straightforward… Sometimes it’s as complex as chaos theory and as slow as evolution. Even things that seem to happen suddenly arise from deep roots in the past or from long-dormant seeds.

So time, patience, and flexibility are key ingredients necessary for any meaningful change to occur. But there’s another ingredient that’s even more essential. Most changes require help from other people.

Even when our goal is to change a personal attitude or behavior, we are far more likely to succeed when others support and encourage us.

Examples:

• We go the gym when we’d rather not because we agreed to meet a friend there

• We go to a 12-step meeting or call our sponsor when we’re tempted to drink

• We eat healthier because our partner agrees not to keep junk food in the house

What changes do you want to see this year? How do you plan to achieve them? To increase your odds of success and make the process easier, find at least one other person to help you. You may not think you need help now, but you probably will at some point.

You can’t predict every event that could derail your plan. You can’t control anyone else’s actions. And when life doesn’t go according to plan and you’re overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, you need encouragement. You need someone to help you modify your plan or come up with a new one.

With the help of supportive people, you can make the necessary adjustments. Not just to your plan, but to your mindset. It’s much easier to find ways to cope and hold on to hope when another person is there to pull you out of the pit of despair. It’s easier to find your way again when you feel lost if you have a companion to guide you.

P.S. If you could use extra support as you try to leave toxic beliefs or behaviors behind and create healthier ones, or cope with unwanted changes in your life or the world, let’s talk! My individual coaching or support groups can help you get from where you are now to where you want to be!