Changing Lives Issue #6
How to determine whether or not to make a major life change
We all face turning points in our lives when we have to decide whether to stay on our current path or try a different one. Sometimes the right choice seems obvious, but more often than not we are confused and uncertain about which path to take.
I can only think of two instances in my life when I felt certain I was making the right decision. Both involved major life changes.
The best major life changes I’ve made
The first was getting married. My husband and I were engaged within a few weeks of meeting each other, and our wedding was less than a year later. We both knew we had found our soulmate and are even more sure of that now, more than thirty years later. If you’re interested in reading my tips for a happy marriage, check out this article.
The second was when we decided to move to Maui after a wonderful vacation there. We sold our house in Pennsylvania, quit our jobs, and drove across the country to Seattle so our car could be loaded on a barge and shipped to Maui. If you want to know more about why we chose to make that major life change and how it turned out, see this story.
What I’ve learned about how to make life-changing decisions
Before I share my advice about how to decide whether or not to make a major life change, I want to make it clear that I don’t always choose wisely or handle change well. With that said, I do think the points below provide a helpful guide.
Trust your gut reaction when you contemplate making a major change.
Do your research so you have as much information as possible in advance.
Whatever choice you make, don’t second-guess that decision.
Let’s take a closer look at these points and how I used them when I decided to make the major life changes mentioned above.
Trust your gut
When Steve and I got engaged so soon after we first met, our families and friends were understandably concerned. They worried that we were rushing things and didn’t know each other well enough to make that decision.
We both knew at a deep level that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, though. We didn’t let the fears and doubts of others keep us from trusting our gut instincts.
The same was true when we moved to Maui. That decision wasn’t logical. It required us to change careers and sell our house without having jobs or a place to live lined up before we arrived on Maui. We trusted our gut feelings and made a choice that didn’t seem to make sense.
I think we all have gut instincts we need to listen to. Those instincts can also be referred to as our inner wisdom, intuition, or God’s Spirit within us. Whatever you choose to call it, there is a deeper way of knowing that guides us to make the right choice when we pay attention to it.
Do your research
This point may seem to contradict the advice to trust your gut, but I think both are important. The reason Steve and I trusted our gut instincts and married less than a year after we met is that we had many long conversations about our family histories, past relationships, and future goals. We discussed things like whether or not we wanted children and whether we would combine our funds into a joint bank account or maintain separate ones.
Before we made the decision to move to Maui, we read a book titled “So You Want to Live in Hawaii.” It spelled out in detail the good and bad aspects of life in Hawaii and helped us have realistic expectations of what life on Maui would be like. We emailed the pastor of the church we planned to join and got valuable information from him too.
Of course, there are always some things you cannot know in advance when you decide to make a major life change. No matter how much research you do or how carefully you plan, unexpected events will occur. Things will not always turn out the way you thought they would based on the knowledge you had at the time you made the decision. It is still worth the time and effort it takes to gather as much information as possible.
Don’t second-guess your decision
When I make a major life change and the results aren’t what I expected, I often second-guess that decision and blame myself for making a poor choice. I am learning not to do that. It doesn’t change anything, and I can’t go back in time and make a different decision. I made what I thought was the best choice at the time, based on what I knew then.
It is not helpful to look back at past decisions and regret them. All any of us can do is start where we are now and take one step at a time in the direction we want to go. We can’t predict exactly where we will end up or how we will get there. Life is full of variables we can’t control.
Final Thoughts
Decisions that we know will change our lives significantly can be difficult to make. We wonder if it might be better to stay on our current path, which feels familiar and safe even if we don’t particularly like the direction in which it seems to be taking us.
If we decide to risk taking a new path, we question whether it will ultimately take us where we want to go and be worth the effort necessary to make that change.
There are no easy answers, but when we trust our guts, do our research, and refuse to second-guess our decisions, I think the right path becomes clearer.
What do you think? What process do you use to make major decisions? Please share your thoughts in the comments!
I've read all articles since subscribing and have gotten new insight and some affirmation. I decided to subscribe because I thought my life was on an even keel so I was curious how someone else had done changes. Well then my boat sank figuratively, and I kept reading for encouragement. It was great to read about Wendi's faith and her honesty. I look forward to more.