Have You Had Enough AFGOs Recently?

Thanks to Glennon Doyle, I have a new acronym to describe many of my recent experiences

Photo by Daniel Öberg on Unsplash

If you haven’t read Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior memoir, you probably don’t know what an AFGO is. Allow me to enlighten you, because I’m now an expert. I haven’t just read about hers, I’ve had plenty of my own.

AFGO stands for “another fucking growth opportunity.” Glennon uses it during a session with her therapist she recounts in the book. After that therapist tells her that the problems in her marriage are an opportunity to figure some things out, Glennon replies, “Ah, yes. An Afgo.” Her therapist is puzzled, so Glennon explains the term.

I’ve had more than enough Afgos lately. As those of you who have read previous newsletters know, my husband and I moved in January. We were supposed to move in with a friend, but she tested positive for COVID as we were en route. We got a hotel room for the week she was quarantined and expected to move in with her the following week.

Only she didn’t recover. After we had lived in hotels for almost three weeks, she was diagnosed with cancer. We had to rent an apartment instead.

Fast forward to this week. On Wednesday I learned I didn’t get the fellowship I had applied for. Yesterday my husband found out he didn’t get the job he interviewed for on Tuesday and expected to be offered.

And those are just this year’s Afgos. There were plenty of others from 2020 - 2022.

Afgos truly are opportunities for growth. I’ve already experienced remarkable personal growth as a result of going through the earlier ones.

But I agree with what Glennon says to her therapist later, after being told they need to figure out how to “ ‘make you whole again’ ”: “ ‘That sounds really hard. Do you have a pill for that?’ ”

I wish there were easier ways to rediscover my authentic self and let her guide me, one step at a time, into the next chapter of my life. I’d prefer to avoid all of the painful rejections and difficult circumstances and get to a better place without going through them first.

Life usually doesn’t work that way, though. At least not for me or anyone else I know.

If you’ve had more Afgos than you think you can handle, know that you’re in good company.

Know this, too. You are stronger than you realize. You will find a way to survive your Afgos. Some days (or some moments) it will be easier to believe that than others. I still have days when I don’t think I will survive mine, but I remind myself that I’ve thought that during previous Afgos and been wrong.

Glennon’s words near the end of Love Warrior are my new mantra:

I’ve finally unlearned enough. I have unbecome, and I am ready to begin again. …

I will not betray myself. I will trust the wisdom of the still, small voice. I will not let fear drown her out. I will trust her and I will trust myself. Love, Pain, Life: I am not afraid. I was born to do this.