How Do Mental Health Issues Affect Your Life?

Here's how they affect mine, both positively and negatively

Photo by Emily Underworld on Unsplash

Kathryn Vercillo

recently interviewed me about how my mental health issues affect my ability to write. She asked lots of great questions, including whether I would choose to have never experienced depression if I could. She published the interview in her “Create Me Free” newsletter, which I subscribe to and highly recommend.

I’m publishing the interview here, too, so my readers can get to know me better. I’ve italicized Kathryn’s words to clarify which one of us is the “I” at any given point.

I love to interview creative people about their experiences with the impact of mental health symptoms on their creativity, so I was thrilled to hear from fellow Substack author Wendi Gordon. I’ve only just begun getting to know her writing, and I’m really inspired by it. Honestly, I was captured from the get go when I saw her “About Me” tagline reads:

 “I write to change lives, starting with my own.”

Normally this is where I would give my introduction to the artist, but she phrases it a whole lot better herself, so I’m just going to dig right into our interview. Meet Wendi…

Hi, I’m Wendi Gordon. I’m a freelance writer, mental health guide, and nature photographer. At least, those are three things I try to be. Some days I succeed at being at least one of them, and other days I don’t. That’s because I live with depression and anxiety. 

For you specifically what do depression and anxiety look like and how do they relate to creativity?

Sometimes those conditions fuel my creativity. They inspire (or compel) me to write honestly about the ups and downs of my life. I write about how I make it through the most difficult times and sometimes eventually benefit from them. My weekly newsletter, “Changing Lives,” chronicles my journey and quotes others whose lives or writing inspire me (including Kathryn). I also created a Depression and Anxiety Survival Kit (free PDF download) of simple things that help me cope so I can help others feel better, too. I now have an online shop where my best photos of the scenery and animals I see when I walk in the park to calm down are available on a wide variety of products. 

Shop Wendi’s Store

(The image above is one that Kathryn chose from my nature photo store on Redbubble)

Other days depression and anxiety kick my ass and it’s challenging to just get out of bed and get dressed. I cry most of the day, or pace anxiously and hyperventilate because I’m so scared about the future. I’m absolutely certain my life and the world’s problems will inevitably get worse and I’d be better off dead. I get stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts about how worthless I am and how much better other people are. Then I beat myself up for beating myself up instead of loving myself, being grateful for what I have, or doing something that would help me feel better. 

Thankfully, that doesn’t happen as often now, and I no longer wish I was dead. I’m also getting better at loving myself and paying attention to my needs instead of condemning myself for not being productive enough or making more money. I’m learning that I’m actually more productive and the quality of my work is better when I take breaks and allow myself to walk in the park, read a novel, or take a nap.

When I finally found a therapist who was helpful, the main thing we worked on for what seemed like a year was learning that I’m really hard on myself and that actually being gentle with myself makes my life and work better in every way. So I am glad that you’re taking those self-care breaks. What has helped the most in healing?

Writing has definitely improved my mental health. I wrote an article about how writing online is the best thing I’ve done for my mental health. I wrote another one about my morning routine of journaling and how important it is for me to start my day that way. Journaling is essential because it helps me pay attention to my thoughts and feelings, gain insights into what triggers them, and release those thoughts and emotions on paper instead of carrying them in my head and body all day.

I also have an evening writing routine, in which I journal every night, but in a totally different way. First, I list five things I’ve done that day. That helps me see that I was more productive than I thought. When I was severely depressed, I listed things like brushing my teeth, taking a shower, and getting dressed. Now my list includes activities like going for a walk, working on an article, doing laundry, washing the dishes. 

Next, I list five things I’m grateful for. The first one is always my husband Steve, who has been my greatest source of support and unconditional love for the last 32 years and counting. The others are often other important people in my life, but can also be things like a chocolate dessert, an animal I saw at the park, or a book I’m reading.

Last but not least, I write a list of affirmations. These vary, but are always qualities I admire about myself or positive messages I want to believe more fully. Some examples: “I am lovable,” “I am enough,” “I am a good listener,” “I am honest,” “I am courageous,” and “I am making good decisions.” This list is longer than the other two; I fill the page with as many as possible. Ending each day by writing positive statements helps a lot, especially when it’s been a hard day and before I write them I’ve been criticizing myself  and/or feeling hopeless about the future. 

I love all of that. I do some of those practices myself. I’ve kept a gratitude list off and on. I share affirmations, among other things, in the “paid” section of my Substack posts (in the bonus content below the full entry that I offer for free). There’s some kind of magic in the incantation of those phrases, I think.

If you could magically have lived your life without ever experiencing depression, would you? How do you think that would have impacted your trajectory as a writer?

As miserable as depression has made me throughout my life, if I could magically erase my long history of living with it I don’t think I would. My experiences of depression have inspired some of my best writing and enabled me to help others who live with it. 

My most severe bout of depression in 2021 almost killed me but also made me desperate enough to take the risks necessary to move toward the life I want. It forced me to see  that my society’s definition of a good life is not the same as mine. It led me to start living a more authentic and creative life based on my definition instead of society’s.

That is so powerful. I’m not honestly sure that I could say the same. As with you, depression has almost killed me, and I am curious about what a life could have been like without ever having had it. That said, I also believe that we all have our struggles, whatever they may be, that shape who we are as creatives and as people, so I don’t know that I’d choose some different life either. I think it’s really powerful to see how you’ve owned and celebrated the good things in the hard of what you’ve experienced.

Let’s get a little lighter. Who are some favorite writers?

Many writers and others have inspired me and helped me live with depression. They have reduced my shame and given me the courage to tell the truth about my mental health. The writers I resonate with and appreciate the most right now are Glennon Doyle, Anne Lamott, Kate Bowler, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Nadia Bolz-Weber. 

We have a lot of the same writing heroes. As you know, I love Glennon Doyle, particularly Untamed. Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic is another one that I turn to a lot. But you’ve named a couple I don’t know well, so I’ll be researching them as soon as I finish writing up our interview!

Any other writing or mental health inspirations?

The mental health professionals whose research and teachings have benefited me the most are Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Richard Schwartz. Dr. Maté emphasizes how societies  negatively affect individuals’ mental health and reward unhealthy behaviors like overworking and compulsive shopping that fuel economic growth. Dr. Schwartz founded Internal Family Systems (IFS), the most fascinating and fun kind of therapy I’ve ever studied or experienced.

Oh you would have loved my Masters in Psychology Studies program at CIIS. It’s an integral approach combining Eastern and Western psychology and both of those professionals had work that was part of our curriculum.

What is one thing that we would be surprised to learn about you after reading the rest of this interview?

It may surprise people to learn that, with the exception of my husband, the person who has helped my mental health more than anyone else is Bruce Springsteen. I discovered his music when I was in high school and have been a huge fan ever since. The evenings I’ve spent seeing Bruce and the E Street Band perform live have been the best nights of my life. Nothing else comes close to those experiences of pure joy, and I would go to many more concerts during their current tour if I could afford to. I watch a Bruce concert DVD or YouTube video almost every day. 

Bruce lives with depression, too. In his Born to Run autobiography, he acknowledges that. During interviews, he openly discusses his history of depression and how therapy and medication have helped him.  So he has a positive effect on my mental health in that way, too. He’s also a great role model because he is still doing what he loves at age 73 and has for most of his life. He refused to give up on his dream and get a “real” job when he was younger and performed in small venues that didn’t pay enough to cover his basic living expenses. Now he uses his wealth and fame to help others. In addition to his own charitable giving, he encourages fans at every concert to support their local food bank by donating to its representatives at the venue, located near the food and merchandise vendors.

That’s terrific! He’s not an artist I’ve studied a lot so I’ll definitely be adding him to the list. Sounds really inspiring for sure!! It’s really amazing how people can inspire us across time and space in this way and help us in our own creativity and recovery journeys. 

Thanks so much for being here Wendi! I’m humbled that you’ve allowed me to share your words, thrilled to let other people get to know you, and excited to continue connecting. I’ll leave the readers with an urging to check out your work, starting with one of my favorites of yours: How Our Wounds Can Be Sources of Healing Instead of Shame.

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I hope you enjoyed learning more about me, and am grateful to Kathryn for this interview. Please take the time to learn more about her here. Her work is unique, as she explains:

I commit myself to deep research into the complex topic of how art/creativity interacts with mental health/wellness/psychology. Using my Masters in Psychology, my lived experience with chronic recurring depression, interviews with contemporary artists, and academic/literary research, I explore not just art as therapy but more importantly the myriad ways that mental health challenges impact creative process, content, productivity, medium, self-perception and reception by others. …

The idea is to assist artists with mental health challenges to better understand their own situation so that they can thrive creatively, financially, and psychologically. It’s also to help therapists, teachers, art directors, etc. to better understand and work with this complexity. And it’s about destigmatizing mental health challenges while also celebrating artistic process.

If you subscribe to her newsletter, you’ll get great content that includes, in her words:

original unpublished interviews with artists, my own journal-style entries about the experience of being a working artist with recurring depression, my thoughts about the books I’m reading and other media I’m consuming in this topic area, and research into historic artists with mental health challenges. You’ll be seeing early drafts of what will turn into my next books as well as things that might never get published anywhere else.

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Did anything you learned about me from reading this interview surprise you? Do you have a creative activity (knitting, painting, writing, cooking, gardening, etc) that helps you relax and/or enjoy life more? How does your mental health/mood on any given day affect your ability to do that activity?