While I’ve never attempted suicide, there have been times I’ve seriously considered it. I know what it’s like to experience severe depression and believe that death is the only way to escape unbearable pain. I write about mental health because I want others who feel hopeless to know they’re not alone and help is available. The 988 number above works anywhere in the United States; if you are in another country use this site to find a helpline.
Note: This week’s issue would normally be for paid subscribers only, but I want this information to be shared as widely as possible, so I’m not putting it behind the paywall.
I created a free “Depression and Anxiety Survival Kit” full of coping strategies that have worked for me. Other helpful resources are available on NAMI’s website.
I also know how devastating a death by suicide is to the loved ones left behind. My grandfather killed himself when my mom was ten years old. When I was a pastor, I talked with a church member years after his family member’s suicide. He wept as he discussed his memories of that day and its aftermath.
So I am passionate about suicide prevention and committed to doing anything I can to reduce the number of suicide attempts. Here are some suggestions based on my experience of living with depression and anxiety that may help you or someone you love:
Don’t argue with someone whose emotional pain is so severe that they want to die. You won't convince them that what they are going through isn’t as bad as they think it is. When I was considering suicide, well-meaning loved ones reminded me that other people’s lives were worse than mine. They said I should be grateful for what I had. They told me my fears about the future were unrealistic worst case scenarios. Statements like that only added to the shame I felt, and knowing that others had bigger problems didn’t make it any easier to endure mine.
Know the risk factors and warning signs associated with suicide and where to turn if you need help before you’re in a crisis situation. Research various treatment options in advance so you won’t have to make hasty decisions you later regret. When I was desperate to get help ASAP, I chose mental health professionals who could see me immediately. They did more harm than good, and in hindsight it’s not surprising that they had openings when others were fully booked.
Don’t expect medications or counseling to be miracle cures. Both have been enormously helpful for me, but I didn’t instantly feel happy after taking a pill or seeing a therapist. I had to work hard to become aware of and challenge negative core beliefs about myself and other cognitive distortions. I had to learn and consistently use practices like tapping to reduce my anxiety. I had to think and talk about painful experiences and how they had affected me. I had to uncover and release buried emotions I didn’t want to feel. I had to walk in the park, listen to music, and do other things I used to enjoy but had stopped doing.
See recovery as an ongoing journey, not a destination. It’s unreasonable to expect to never feel anxious or depressed again once you’ve made it through a difficult time and feel better. No one experiences joy and peace every minute of every day no matter what happens. I’ve made remarkable progress and am much calmer and happier now. But I still have negative thoughts and get upset sometimes. I just don’t see that as proof that I’m a terrible person or a hopeless case like I used to.
What do you think of these suggestions? What would you add? Are there specific practices or resources I didn’t mention that have helped you get through hard times?
An important subject! Thanks for sharing your story as well as important info for anyone suffering with depression.
I think these are great suggestions. One thing I would add is to develop daily & weekly routines that work for you. It’s a great comfort to have basic (flexible) structure in your life that fits just for you.