If Your Life Is Hard, That Could Mean You're Doing It Right
A new perspective that helped me feel better about my hard life may help you, too
As part of my morning routine, I listen to “The Daily Inspiration,” a short reflection included on the Tapping Solution app. Today’s was about how we often think we have failed or done something wrong when we are struggling emotionally. The message was that we may be doing things right even though we don’t think so. I needed to hear that and thought you might, too.
It quoted Glennon Doyle, best-selling author and host of the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast. While this isn’t the exact quote that was used, it expresses the same idea.
“If you are uncomfortable — in deep pain, angry, yearning, confused — you don’t have a problem, you have a life. Being human is not hard because you’re doing it wrong, it’s hard because you’re doing it right.”
— Glennon Doyle (quoted here)
The more I thought about it, the more I could see the truth of that statement. As hard as my life has been lately, every time I write about the challenges I’m facing and my struggles to cope with them I hear from readers who thank me.
They appreciate my honesty and tell me about the difficult circumstances they are dealing with. They share that it helps to know they’re not alone and that it’s okay to acknowledge the messy realities of life.
It’s so easy, at least for me, to believe that others handle hard times better than I do. I tell myself I should be grateful because many people are worse off than me and would gladly trade places. My challenges are minor compared to theirs, but somehow they manage to cope and even seem happy.
I’m sure there are some people with more serious problems who cope better than I do. I’m equally sure that if I could get inside their heads or spend every waking moment with them I would discover that they don’t handle things well all of the time. I’d see them sob or scream or express the fears they don’t share publicly.
Anyone who claims to have a wonderful life without any strained relationships or financial worries is lying. Whether they are lying to themselves, too, or just carefully hiding the truth from everyone else doesn’t matter. No one has an ideal, stress-free life every minute of every day.
And as much as I sometimes wish I did have that ideal life, I think it would ultimately prove unsatisfying. Real life, even when it’s messy and full of unplanned detours, is more rewarding than a monotonous life on a smooth, paved road with no curves or changes in scenery would be.
Hard times teach us valuable lessons that help us understand ourselves and who and what we truly want in our lives. They require and help us discover levels of courage and strength we didn’t know we possessed. They make it possible for us to more fully appreciate and celebrate good times.
They lead to deeper, more meaningful connections with others who are struggling. They motivate us to seek help from people who have survived similar experiences and can help us find our way out of a dark place.
Bruce Springsteen (who I did get to see in concert elsewhere after COVID forced me to miss his concert here) expresses this truth well:
“You can’t shut out the risk and the pain without losing the love that remains. We’re all riders on this train.” (song lyrics from “Human Touch”)
So if your life is hard right now, that may well be a sign that you’re doing something right!
This is so important to remember, but so hard to tell people without minimizing their pain. Well said.
I like this quote from Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning: “But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.”
Great words of hope and encouragement. Thanks Wendi for sharing and caring. Peace and blessings. The challenge is seeing the opportunity in crisis.