Living with Depression and Learning to Challenge Its Lies
My story of living with and recovering from depression
I have lived with depression for most of my life. Usually, I function well enough that most people can’t tell how bad I feel. They are unaware of the internal battle I’m fighting. They don’t understand how hard it is to challenge the lies depression tries to convince me are true.
At other times, it is painfully obvious that I believe those lies. I accept as absolute truths the messages depression plays on an endless loop inside my brain. I cry, stay in bed, and feel helpless and hopeless.
The Most Dangerous Lie Depression Tells
Depression tells me that I will never feel better. It convinces me that I will live the rest of my life as miserable as I am then. Even though I have made it through previous bouts of depression and gone on to experience good times, I buy into the lie that there is absolutely no hope for a brighter future each time.
A “normal” person sees how ridiculous that thought is. Life is full of ups and downs; neither good times nor bad times last forever. When I am able to think clearly, I know that, but when depression has me in its grip I quickly forget that truth.
Believing depression’s lie that I will never get better leads me to conclude that the only way to escape the pain is to die. I start having suicidal thoughts.
That lie also causes me to lose all motivation to do anything that might help. I decide that nothing could possibly work, so why try? There is no reason to go to therapy, take medication, exercise, journal, go outside, or take any other action when I know I will not get better.
Other Lies Depression Tells
Depression lies to me in other ways, too. It tells me everything I “should” be doing. The things that “normal” people do, like go to work or clean the house. It uses the fact that on my worst days I do nothing but cry and worry as proof that I am worthless.
Depression also tells me it is not an illness. It wants me to believe I am weak and lazy. I should be able to snap out of it and get more done.
Challenging these lies is a daily struggle. Just when I think I know that the lies depression tells aren’t true, something happens and I get sucked back into believing them.
That is the reality of living with depression.
Challenging Depression’s Lies Leads to a New Reality
Thankfully, as I challenge depression’s lies a different reality emerges. While I know that recovering from depression is a journey and there will continue to be setbacks along the way, I feel better than I have for a long time.
This is the story of how I recovered, shared with the hope that it will help others who don’t think they can. I’m living proof that it is possible to survive depression and enjoy life again.
Note: You don’t have to be a paid subscriber to read the rest of this article and others about how to live with and recover from depression. My “Depression and Anxiety Survival Kit” is a free resource anyone can access.
Medication and the support of family and friends, especially my husband, have been significant factors in my recovery. So has therapy, though some counselors and other mental health professionals have done more harm than good. I’ve switched providers several times to find the ones who have helped me recover.
Depression is largely an internal battle, though. Recognizing my negative thoughts and challenging them is something no one else can do for me. I’ve learned to be more aware of the things I say to myself, and question the truth of statements like “things will never get better” or “there is no hope for me.”
Instead of replacing those comments with overly positive ones I don’t believe, I’ve replaced them with statements like “I don’t know what will happen in the future” or “Right now, I believe there is no hope, but I have felt this way before and been wrong.”
I‘ve also challenged the lie that depression is a character flaw and I am weak. I’ve researched the prevalence of depression and its symptoms. I’ve read memoirs and biographies of famous people like Abraham Lincoln, Naomi Judd, Bruce Springsteen, and Michelle Obama who have experienced depression.
I’ve learned to do simple things like listen to music or walk in the park to lift my spirits. Sometimes I watch concerts or nature videos on YouTube.
Another thing I do is write three lists each night at bedtime. I list five things I accomplished that day, no matter how insignificant they seem. That helps me challenge the lie that I am lazy. Then I list five things I’m grateful for. That helps me focus on the good things in my life instead of my problems. Finally, I list things I like about myself.
Challenging the lies depression sometimes convinces me are true is something I will need to do for the rest of my life. It is easy to slip back into destructive thought patterns, but now I know how to get out of them.
Living with depression is not easy, but learning to challenge its lies makes it possible to not only survive but thrive!
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has a great website full of educational content, symptom checklists, and other helpful resources. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) website also has an “About Mental Health” section with useful information, including statistics about how common depression is.
What lies do you need to challenge to feel better about yourself and your life now?
I’m reposting the ending question here to make it easier for you to see it and reply:
What lies do you need to challenge to feel better about yourself and your life now?
The lies that I am not good enough or smart enough. I challenge these lies by looking at my pictures of Jesus and of his mother Mary that I have on my altar, after meditating, and I start to feel the Love and acceptance from Jesus, and Mary radiating into my heart. This is especially true if I also say to Jesus, "please remove my wounded thinking, which I know is from a past childhood wound" and I see myself sitting in his lap like a little child, receiving his Love and acceptance. I wasn't raised Catholic, and, however Mary has spoken very lovingly to me numerous times within my heart. Please understand I literally have to do do a deep relaxation, and though it rise above my dark thoughts. I am not perfect and doing this method, however it helps me see myself in God's framework, not my framework.