My Life Changed The Day I Quit Gambling

Guest post by Mike Sciandra about his addiction and recovery journey

Photo by Heather Gill on Unsplash

Note from Wendi: I invited Mike Sciandra to share his story here because I believe the best mental health experts are those who have personally experienced mental health challenges. I have plenty of experience with depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, but I’m not a recovering addict. So I appreciate his willingness to write this guest post. The following words are all his; the ellipses (…) indicate words I edited out to reduce the length of this post.

The irony of writing for Changing Lives is not lost on me. When I made the greatest change of my life in December 2020, everything improved in my life. Everything. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally, and socially. Most importantly, I regained my identity, as well as a grasp on my own mental health.

Hi. My name is Mike, and I am a problem gambler.

If you would have asked me four years ago what I would be doing today, writing something like this would have never even been a consideration. While I feel like I had good intentions back then, I was a sick individual. I did not have the tools to even think about entering recovery, much less help others avoid the dark path of addiction that I stumbled down for over two decades.

I have been bet-free since December 2020. As I write this, today is Day 1125 bet-free for me. And yes, I still do count each day. One day at a time is more than a motto. It is a way of life.

I felt as if I hid my addiction well. I maintained a career, family, friends, and positive external persona. But I was sick on the inside. My life was consumed by gambling …

When I had my daughter, I worked and spent as much time with her as possible. When she was not with me, I was either gambling or planning my next gamble. …

I come from a family of gamblers. I was born in Las Vegas, with some of my earliest memories in the arcades of a casino while my family gambled. … I started going to Keno parlors when I was 14, illegally placing bets. I started playing bingo when I was 16. I went to Vegas when I was 20, gambling illegally in several casinos. For my 21st birthday, I went to the casino with my family.

I knew I did not want this life … but creating a better life for yourself is easier said than done if you are unsure what “better” looks like. … I thought my way out was college. And it did help. … In the college classroom, I never felt unimportant. I never felt like the kid with the troubled family or the underlying addiction.

After college, however, was a different story … the bad times outweighed the good. But I put on a good face for social media and pretended like I had everything in order.

Then 2020 came along.

For many years, I dreamed of operating my own business. In 2017, this dream came true, as I turned freelance promotional marketing work into a full-time business.

But we all know what happened in 2020. Events were cancelled, businesses cut marketing budgets. My fundraising clients had no work for me. Everything I had spent the past three years building disappeared within a week.

I was bitter, angry, and scared. … So, I turned to the only thing that was familiar for the past 25 years … The gambling spiraled further out of control. Even when most places were shut down, I found places to go. …

By the summer of 2020, I knew I needed help. … I called a problem gambling helpline, but they put me in touch with counselors that could not take any more clients and did not treat gamblers. So, I just kept gambling, and living the same dangerous lifestyle.

Until December 14, 2020. The last day I made a bet. …

I did not have a proverbial “rock bottom” … but I hit my emotional “rock bottom” that day. … While I might not have been financially bankrupt, … I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. …

So, on December 15, 2020, I started treatment for disordered gambling.

I can tell you that treatment was intense. I attended three individual and group sessions per week, communicated daily with counselors, and completed tons of assignments. There were times when I laughed, cried, and yelled, all in the same session.

But as I took things day-by-day, my thinking became clearer. I knew I wanted to tell my story, with the hope that it could help others avoid the struggles I faced. So, I continued to work on my recovery. And I still do, every single day.

Through the grace of God, my new way of life has given back to me in ways I never imagined. … In November 2021, I received a job at the place that helped me discover recovery, Choices Treatment Center. As an Education and Outreach Coordinator, I get to share my story, signs and consequences of problem gambling, and recovery resources available to problem gamblers. I have shared my addiction and recovery story on all forms of media … and given presentations to students and faculty on multiple college campuses.

I have also completed coursework … to become a Certified Disordered Gambling Counselor and … Certified Peer Support Specialist. My goal is continuing to gain knowledge and skills, to go along with my lived experience, to help others avoid the pain I have endured. …

The questions that I often ask myself about my recovery usually start with “why”. Why was this the time for me to start a life or recovery? Why did I have to wait so long?

The best answer I can come up with is … I finally admitted that I was powerless over my gambling, and that my life had become unmanageable. … My ways of coping with life were not working, so I had to try something new.

Which also meant I was finally ready to work my butt off, and make recovery happen.

… While I am overjoyed with my life in recovery, life can still be difficult at times. We all have challenges every single day.

But I now know that I can be vulnerable and transparent. … I will not resort to negative behavior to mask my emotions. I have tools to properly support my daughter as she navigates her teenage years. I have a support system that gives me strength that I hope to pass onto others.

In short, I know that by changing my life … I can help others change their lives as well.

If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling addiction, please call 1-800-GAMBLER in the United States. You can also contact Mike at mikesciandrachoicesneb@gmail.com, or via social media (LinkedIn, Facebook, or TikTok) with any questions you might have regarding problem gambling or other co-occurring addiction and mental health struggles.

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Thank you, Mike, for sharing your story. I hope readers will be inspired by it and share it with others. I’m also enabling all readers, not just paid subscribers, to comment on this post.