Henri Nouwen often writes words that speak to me. Today’s reading from his Bread for the Journey book is one example. Here is an excerpt from it:
Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.
The main question is not “How can we hide our wounds?” so we don’t have to be embarrassed but “How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?”
When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers. (emphasis mine)
Sometimes my wounds are a source of shame. I tell myself I should be over past hurts by now, or that my wounds aren’t deep enough to justify my emotional response to them.
I can always think of (or be told about by a friend or family member trying to be helpful) someone else who has experienced something worse and handled it better.
Comparisons are never helpful, though. All of us can find people who seem more or less successful at recovering from their wounds than we are.
It’s important to realize that we often see the carefully polished surface image of their lives, not the unpleasant realities they are actually dealing with. The tears they shed or anger they express when we’re not present remains hidden.
It’s even more important to recognize that our wounds can be powerful sources of healing to others. When we openly acknowledge our own wounds, we give others permission to do the same. We help them feel less alone and less ashamed of their wounds.
That is one reason 12-step groups help so many people. They provide a safe space for individuals to share the truth about their messy and unmanageable lives with others who have had similar experiences. People receive support and encouragement, even when they relapse, instead of blame and harsh judgments.
I have found the same to be true when I write online about my mental health issues. Exposing the truth about my battles with depression and anxiety for the world to see reduces the shame I feel. It reminds me of how much I’ve learned that has helped me heal (an ongoing, never-ending process) and could help others.
When readers comment that they can relate to my struggles, or have benefitted in some way from my words, it is wonderful proof that I have wisdom to offer.
All of us have the capacity to be wounded healers. We can help each other heal by being honest about our wounds and how they have affected our lives. We can reinforce the fact that it’s normal to have wounds, and that those wounds don’t have to be sources of shame. They can become sources of healing.
What have your wounds taught you that could help someone else?