There's More Than One Path To A Better Life
Trust your inner compass, not someone else's directions, to guide you
I’ll never forget watching sea turtle hatchlings find their way through the sand to the sea. Their progress was slow, and each one used its tiny flippers to create its own unique path. They didn’t line up and march single file; they veered off in multiple directions. Some reached the sea a lot sooner than others did. Some got knocked around by the surf and carried back to shore a few times before they made it to calmer, deeper water.
One of the most important lessons sea turtles have taught me is that there are many paths to success. I used to believe that there was only one: higher education, followed by a traditional career and advancement to positions of more power and better pay. And the way to get ahead was to outperform others. To compete and win, not to collaborate.
But, as Bruce Springsteen (among others) has said, “Nobody wins unless everybody wins.” The older I get, the more strongly I believe that. My society sees those at the top of various hierarchies as the success stories, the ones who “have made it” and are living “the good life.” They have achieved the “American dream,” the dream we’re all supposed to strive for.
But I want more than individual success, whether that success is measured in dollars, influence, achievements, or any other way. I want to help create a healthier, happier, and more just society and world. I want corrupt, abusive leaders to be held accountable for their actions. I want the ongoing well-being of all people and the planet to be prioritized over short-term gains and greater wealth for an elite few.
And I know that I have helped some people change their lives, just as others have helped me change mine. But our efforts often fail to change toxic cultural values and systemic injustices. At least not to the degree and in the time frame we had envisioned. And sometimes we become our own worst enemies, and blame ourselves for not doing enough, for not being enough.
We’re exhausted, discouraged, and tempted to give up and give in because what we’ve done doesn’t seem to have made any difference. Or at least not enough of a difference to convince us that the changes we long to see are still possible and worth striving for.
But significant changes require a willingness to keep trying and to find or create a new path when the one we were taught to follow leads to a dead end.
As Rebecca Solnit points out in her wonderful book, Hope in the Dark (affiliate link),
Change is rarely straightforward… Sometimes it’s as complex as chaos theory and as slow as evolution. Even things that seem to happen suddenly arise from deep roots in the past or from long-dormant seeds.
And while we each have to find and follow our own path, we are far more likely to make positive changes in our lives with support and encouragement from others.
Examples:
We go the gym when we’d rather not because we agreed to meet a friend there
We go to a 12-step meeting or call our sponsor when we’re tempted to drink
We eat healthier because our partner agrees not to keep junk food in the house
What changes do you want to make? What new path do you feel called to explore? Who can you trust to support you as you try something new without trying to control what you do or how you do it?
When life doesn’t go according to plan and you’re overwhelmed and don’t know what to do, you may want someone to tell you exactly what to do. But what worked for them may not work for you, and giving someone else control of your decisions rarely ends well. At best, you become dependent on them; at worst, they manipulate or abuse you.
With the right support, you can find or create a new path to success. It’s much easier to figure out your next steps and have the courage to take them when another person is there to encourage you. You’re much more likely to find your way when you feel lost if you have a companion to help you.
True support doesn’t consist of telling you which path to take, or even which direction to head in. The best coaches, therapists, spiritual leaders, and other guides encourage you trust your inner compass. They believe that you know the path that’s right for you, and help you believe that, too. Especially when the path that you want to take terrifies you, and you’d rather not travel down that road alone. Or you aren’t sure where you want to go, but you know you can’t stay where you are.
The good news is that there is always a path - or a way to create one - even when you can’t see it. I certainly couldn’t see the path I’m on now a few years ago. I couldn’t see any way forward, and I was ready to give up. Not just give up searching, but give up on life. With a lot of help, I found my way to a new and much better life. You will, too.
P.S. If you could use extra support as you find and follow your path, let’s talk! My coaching could help you trust your inner compass to guide you from where you are to where you want to be. DM me or schedule a free call to discuss your specific needs.