What Are The AFGOs in Your Life and What Can You Learn From Them?
Glennon Doyle's acronym refers to painful experiences that can teach us valuable lessons
If you haven’t read Glennon Doyle’s Love Warrior,* you may not know what an AFGO is. Allow me to enlighten you, because I know all too well.
AFGO stands for “another fucking growth opportunity.” When her therapist tells her that the problems in her marriage are an opportunity to figure some things out, Glennon replies, “Ah, yes. An Afgo.” Her therapist doesn’t understand what that means, so Glennon explains.
I’ve experienced lots of Afgos in the last few years. First, my husband and I unexpectedly lost our jobs during the pandemic. I became depressed and anxious. Financial realities (like a $200/month rent increase if we renewed our lease) forced us to accept a friend’s offer to let us move in with her and her husband.
Then she tested positive for COVID as we were en route. We stayed in a hotel and expected to move in the following week. But she was still sick then. Additional testing revealed that she had cancer, so we rented an apartment instead of moving in with them as planned.
There have been other AFGOs since then, but that’s enough of mine. You probably have your own AFGOs. Hopefully they have helped you grow in some way, or will at some point.
I’ve experienced remarkable personal growth as a result of my AFGOs. I’m grateful for that, but that doesn’t mean I’m grateful for the painful experiences that led to my growth. Those AFGOs may have been necessary, and they did teach me valuable lessons, but they also devastated and almost killed me.
I can relate to what Glennon says to her therapist later, after being told the two of them need to figure out how to make Glennon whole again: “ ‘That sounds really hard. Do you have a pill for that?’ ”
I wish there were easier ways to rediscover my authentic self and let her guide me, one baby step at a time, into the next chapter of my life. I’d much prefer to skip all of the losses and other difficult circumstances and make the journey to a better life without going through them first.
But life usually doesn’t work that way. At least not for anyone I know. So if you have AFGOs you’d rather not deal with, know that you’re in good company.
Know this, too. You are stronger than you think. You will find ways to survive your AFGOs. Some days (or some moments) it will be easier to believe that than others. I still have days when I don’t think I can endure my current AFGOs or the lingering pain from past ones.
On those days, I remind myself that I’ve thought that before and always found ways to not only survive but grow. I’ve started over and created a better life.
Glennon’s words near the end of Love Warrior* can become a mantra for all of us:
I’ve finally unlearned enough. I have unbecome, and I am ready to begin again. …
I will not betray myself. I will trust the wisdom of the still, small voice. I will not let fear drown her out. I will trust her and I will trust myself. Love, Pain, Life: I am not afraid. I was born to do this.
Note: This post may contain affiliate links with asterisks (*) after them. If you use those links to make a purchase, I receive a commission. My affiliate links are always to products I would recommend anyway.
P.S. This is a revised version of a post from the archives. Now seemed like a good time to share it again.
Yes, I am all too familiar with AFGOs. Getting two Hip replacements in 2023 I thought was enough for me. Don't get me wrong; the Left Hip surgery in March 2023, and the Right Hip surgery in September 2023 were well worth it. Sure the swelling for after the first month of each surgery was difficult. And the expense of having a caregiver coming into my home for the first week twice during that year was hard. However, the silver lining was I had to ask for help, and I got it for housekeeping, cooking meals, etc. The physical therapist was priceless in her help with the exercises over a period of two months. And even tonight I am doing strengthening exercises for my hips that take about an hour three times per week. My boyfriend was very supportive and understood my physical limitations at first. My Hip doctor was excellent in every way. It was liberating not having to use a walker anymore. It was liberating to learn to crouch and have the strength to get back up. It is liberating to walk every day freely and without limitations.
Life is a bumpy road at best...My newest AFGO is I had a large polyp removed in a colonoscopy two weeks ago at a local hospital. It was a second colonoscopy. ( The smaller polyp was taken out three months ago). The recent polyp was taken out in the hospital because it was so large. I was relieved it was taken out and it was precancerous, tier 3, the pathology report said. The Gastro Doctor wants to have another colonoscopy in June to make sure this polyp doesn't grow back. So, even though I hate the idea of another colonoscopy I will follow through with it. I am relieved that the doctor wants to make sure it is not coming back. I am looking at taking better gut health probiotics, and have changed my eating habits so that I am vegetarian. So learning to take better care of my older 73 year old body is valuable.