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Laura Maakestad Sullivan's avatar

Wendi, I want to compliment you on your courage in bringing up this subject. It is not an easy subject to talk about; having a mental breakdown, and talking about having suicidal thoughts. I am sure you will help other people realize that they can talk about these very difficult feelings. I just want to mention to everyone that the National Suicide Hotline is: 988. Sincerely, Laura

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Wendi Gordon's avatar

Thanks for mentioning the 988 National Suicide and Crisis Hotline. For readers who don’t know, this is a U.S. hotline available 24/7 for people having suicidal thoughts or other mental health crises (or their worried loved ones) to call or text. Live chat is also available on the website 988.org. I have this info and links to other mental health resources on my website https://mymentalhealthguide.com.

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Laura Maakestad Sullivan's avatar

Very well said Wendi. I can relate to tomes in my life where I felt deep despair. At those times, nothing made sense, in the sense of a "normal" life. Three times in my life's what I can recall. The first was soon after I became enrolled in graduate school, I had a panic attack for about 24 hours. I was 22 years old. I was at Central Washington State College (now it's a University), and was enrolled in a Master of Art program in Painting and Drawing. I suddenly realized that I would have to measure up to being disciplined to paint every day. I would have to have my art work scrutinized by a professor who seemed very intimidating at the time. I really got scared about this, and feared I would not measure up, or I would fail. The panicky feelings, and upset stomach didn't stop after four hours in the evening, so I went to the emergency 24 hour Health Clinic on campus. They checked me in for overnight to observe me. I recall looking in the mirror of the room where I had a bed. My eyes were round with fear. Finally, I started praying, and slowly the fears left me, because I realized that God was with me.The next two years I succeeded through the Masters Program, and the professor I had was very good, and supportive of myself and all the eight students in the program. I realized I could stand on my own two feet as an adult, with God by my side. I did have moments of anxiety throughout my life. There is a book called "Tapping the Healer Within" by Dr. Roger Callahan, which has helped me greatly, whenever I have developed anxiety, and or depression, or both. I have used it with clients when I became a Licensed Mental Health Counselor for 22 years. The other two depressing and grief periods of my life was when I lost my brother to death in a hang gliding accident in 1976, and when my husband died in 2015. With both deaths I had very good Mental Health Therapists. I did feel suicidal for one day after my husband died. I felt so sad, and like I was in a big ocean all alone on a small boat. I prayed and God became my partner. Once again I realized that even though my new life without my husband would be painful, I could and did seek out 12 step meetings, my friends, and church to help me. Now I have been in a relationship with a nice man-a widower like myself for four years now. And by the way, I get anxiety feelings sometimes, when I face the painting I am painting now. Then I say to myself, just pick up that brush, and let your heart telegraph through that brush what you want to say, and soon I am feeling pure joy as I use the colors etc.

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Wendi Gordon's avatar

Thanks for sharing these examples from your experience, Laura, and for the book recommendation! And I’m happy to hear your new relationship is still going well.

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Elizabeth Emerald's avatar

Glad you broke through, Wendi! I can relate to wanting to escape the torment.

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Wendi Gordon's avatar

If you’re currently in that torment and want to share more details privately, please email me! You can just reply to the one that contains this post.

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Wendi Gordon's avatar

Have you experienced a mental breakdown that led to a breakthrough? If you're comfortable talking about it, I'd love to hear your story. Paid subscribers can comment here; others can either reply privately to the email or restack this post with a note on Notes.

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