Be Yourself, Even When It's Hard
To be happy, be yourself, no matter who pressures you to be like everyone else
"To be nobody-but-yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.” -E.E. Cummings
Have you found that to be true in your life? I certainly have. I spent many years seeking external validation that I was a good person, which sometimes required me to keep silent about my own beliefs and preferences. The approval of others was necessary for me to feel good about myself and anything I said or did.
I haven’t totally overcome that tendency. Learning to be the real me when the world wants me to be like everyone else truly is the hardest battle I’ve ever fought. It’s an ongoing struggle.
However, I have realized three things that make it easier to keep fighting that battle:
I am miserable when I try to force myself to live according to the values of my family, church, or society that I don’t share.
I am happiest when I listen to my inner wisdom and do what I know is right for me, regardless of what others think or how they react.
I can’t predict, much less control, how others react; they sometimes approve when I expect them to disapprove, or vice-versa.
Those realizations helped me have the courage to question my some of my previous assumptions and choices and embrace new ones that better reflect who I am and what is most important to me.
Of course, I still need help from others to do that. I am fortunate to have a wonderful husband who is my primary source of support and encouragement and has been for more than 30 years. I also have close friends I talk with, a faith community, a wise counselor, and family members who support me in various ways.
How about you? Are you struggling to let go of some old beliefs or behaviors in order to live the life you want instead of the one others say you should want? What are you learning about yourself as you fight that battle? Who provides the support and encouragement you need to keep fighting?
Please comment and share your thoughts and experiences.
I like this essay. It brings to mind the internal struggle we all experience between:
True Self
False Self &
Idealized Self
I have long since gotten free of my False Self, thankfully. I am mainly lodged in my True Self, but that old Idealized Self sometimes tugs at it, tying to persuade me that humble accomplishments are too humble.
To quote Wendi, "I am happiest when I listen to my inner wisdom and do what I know is right for me, regardless of what others think or how they react."
More good advice, and one of the most ingrained problems to overcome, related to self-compassion. I think many of us have "porous boundaries" as a result of childhood developmental environments, where we are not given unconditional love, and we have to act or behave in ways that please or mollify our caregivers to get that love. This then becomes hard to change as adults (and why we need to re-parent ourselves).