Wendi--glad to have this chance to reread this powerful piece. Your heartfelt words make for a lasting impression--no doubt all who've dwelt in the depths of despair will deem this masterful work unforgettable.
Thanks for commenting, Carol. I think you’re right that all of us struggle to distinguish between who we really are and who we have learned to be (or pretend to be).
Thank you Wendi for sharing your story. I have long struggled with what's appropriate to share, what's useful to me and to others, what helps. Joining with you!
Thank you, Andrew. I think it’s especially important for men to share their experiences with mental and emotional health issues. Too many men still believe that crying or otherwise acknowledging their pain is a sign of weakness. They refuse to get professional help or even talk to a friend when they’re hurting. I’m grateful that some famous and very successful men like Bruce Springsteen have publicly shared their battles with depression.
Thanks Wendi. A complex subject. I think that men and women have different pathways for dealing with stress and challenge. Our culture at this point recognizes the female modes as being normative and healthy and men's tendencies that include stoicism and narrative reframe as opposed to deep feeling work, are not recognized as being good. Witness the American Psychological Association I think it was that famously characterized masculinity itself as being toxic . . . can't remember the precise wording they used.
That's an interesting perspective I haven't heard before. "Toxic masculinity" as I've seen it used refers to a narrow stereotypical kind of masculinity, not masculinity in general. I also don't believe that men and women have innately different ways of dealing with stress and challenge. Some coping strategies may be more used more frequently (or at least be displayed more publicly) by men or women, but I think that has more to do with cultural conditioning than biology.
Thanks Wendi. A big issue and too big to explore in detail here. Although I write on men, it's really about men and women since the two are fully complementary, yin and yang.
This from the first paragraph of a post I'm preparing:
The American Psychological Association in its guidelines for health practitioners has said that traditional masculinity is on the whole harmful. The implication is that, while our psychologies are the same, the men are just not very good at it and psychological assistance can help them be better. The feminine style of personal work and psychic health - one strongly based on feelings - is deemed natural and appropriate for everyone. Men would be better off, and better people, if they were more like women.
But what’s the alternative? Is there one? Most definitely. In a nutshell it’s stepping back to healthy detachment and looking objectively at his story and deciding what to do. . . .
You speak vey clearly about your conflict between who we really are and who we have learned to be. I think of the part that I have learned to be as that part that tries to please others before pleasing myself. Recently, I did say to a new friend "no". It was in regards to her request that I take her grocery shopping, when I grocery shop, so she could go in the convenience of my car; (she doesn't have a car). She is a neighbor of mine. Currently she walks to the grocery store with a cart that she has. The grocery store is 15 minutes by walking. Instead I suggested she do "online shopping" at Safeway because they deliver your groceries to your address. It was hard for me to say No to her. However, I am recovering from a hip operation and do need more privacy. I explained this to her. I could tell she was disappointed in my response, However, I feel relieved because I have taken care of myself.
Wendi--glad to have this chance to reread this powerful piece. Your heartfelt words make for a lasting impression--no doubt all who've dwelt in the depths of despair will deem this masterful work unforgettable.
Thank you, Elizabeth! I'm so grateful for this high praise! I appreciate all of your comments both here and on my Medium articles.
Thank you for sharing. Who amongst us can’t relate?
Thanks for commenting, Carol. I think you’re right that all of us struggle to distinguish between who we really are and who we have learned to be (or pretend to be).
Thank you Wendi for sharing your story. I have long struggled with what's appropriate to share, what's useful to me and to others, what helps. Joining with you!
Thank you, Andrew. I think it’s especially important for men to share their experiences with mental and emotional health issues. Too many men still believe that crying or otherwise acknowledging their pain is a sign of weakness. They refuse to get professional help or even talk to a friend when they’re hurting. I’m grateful that some famous and very successful men like Bruce Springsteen have publicly shared their battles with depression.
Thanks Wendi. A complex subject. I think that men and women have different pathways for dealing with stress and challenge. Our culture at this point recognizes the female modes as being normative and healthy and men's tendencies that include stoicism and narrative reframe as opposed to deep feeling work, are not recognized as being good. Witness the American Psychological Association I think it was that famously characterized masculinity itself as being toxic . . . can't remember the precise wording they used.
That's an interesting perspective I haven't heard before. "Toxic masculinity" as I've seen it used refers to a narrow stereotypical kind of masculinity, not masculinity in general. I also don't believe that men and women have innately different ways of dealing with stress and challenge. Some coping strategies may be more used more frequently (or at least be displayed more publicly) by men or women, but I think that has more to do with cultural conditioning than biology.
Thanks Wendi. A big issue and too big to explore in detail here. Although I write on men, it's really about men and women since the two are fully complementary, yin and yang.
This from the first paragraph of a post I'm preparing:
The American Psychological Association in its guidelines for health practitioners has said that traditional masculinity is on the whole harmful. The implication is that, while our psychologies are the same, the men are just not very good at it and psychological assistance can help them be better. The feminine style of personal work and psychic health - one strongly based on feelings - is deemed natural and appropriate for everyone. Men would be better off, and better people, if they were more like women.
But what’s the alternative? Is there one? Most definitely. In a nutshell it’s stepping back to healthy detachment and looking objectively at his story and deciding what to do. . . .
----
Andrew
You speak vey clearly about your conflict between who we really are and who we have learned to be. I think of the part that I have learned to be as that part that tries to please others before pleasing myself. Recently, I did say to a new friend "no". It was in regards to her request that I take her grocery shopping, when I grocery shop, so she could go in the convenience of my car; (she doesn't have a car). She is a neighbor of mine. Currently she walks to the grocery store with a cart that she has. The grocery store is 15 minutes by walking. Instead I suggested she do "online shopping" at Safeway because they deliver your groceries to your address. It was hard for me to say No to her. However, I am recovering from a hip operation and do need more privacy. I explained this to her. I could tell she was disappointed in my response, However, I feel relieved because I have taken care of myself.
Beautiful share, Wendi. :) Thanks for being so open.