How to Write Words That Help You Heal From Emotional Wounds, Make Better Decisions, and Enjoy Life More

Even if you don't consider yourself a writer or share your words with anyone else

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Even if you think your writing sucks or have no desire to publish it, you can write words that change your life. I know that because I’ve done it. And even though I’ve published more than 200 articles online, most of my words are not seen by anyone but me.

Those words are in my journal, and these suggestions for how (and what) to write are things I’ve done (and still do) that have helped me heal, make better choices, and enjoy life more.

Here are my recommendations for how to write:

• Write by hand in a spiral notebook or blank book.

• Write first thing in the morning, before you do anything else.

• Write at least three pages if you can, but don’t pressure yourself to.

• Write continuously and don’t challenge or change anything.

Trust yourself to know what you need to write, but I often find it helpful to write one of these three things:

A conversation with my inner critic

I start by writing a question like “Why are you so hard on me?” and the critic’s answer. I’ve discovered that my inner critic has good intentions. He (yes, my inner critic is male, which I was surprised to learn during our first conversation) wants to keep me safe by shielding me from the pain of rejection or humiliation.

Unfortunately, he thinks the way to do that is to convince me not to do anything that other people may disapprove of or that I’ve never done before. His cruel words about my shortcomings and past failures are warnings. He is concerned that what I want to do could hurt me deeply and wants me to see that it’s not worth the risk.

As our dialog continues, I express my appreciation for his desire to protect me. I start to see him as a friend who means well but doesn’t know what to say. I let him know that his criticisms don’t protect me; they harm me.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t work to see my inner critic as an enemy to get rid of. He will always be a part of me, so it’s much more helpful to listen to his concerns. After he voices them, I acknowledge that those outcomes are possible. Then I explain why I’m willing to risk them to do what I want to do.

A letter to myself or someone else

I’ve written several letters to my inner child. I’ve reassured her that I love her and always will, regardless of what she does or fails to do. I’ve reminded her that I think she’s perfect and don’t want her to hide or change any aspect of herself.

I’ve also encouraged her to express all of her emotions and made sure she knows it’s safe for her to do that now. I’ve apologized for the times I’ve ignored her or said things that added to her pain.

Most of all, I’ve told her that she is stronger than she thinks and will grow into a wise and wonderful woman.

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I’ve also written letters to other people, most of whom are deceased or no longer in my life for other reasons. These letters sometimes reopen wounds I’d prefer to ignore, but I’ve learned that “what you resist persists.”

So I vent my anger at someone who has betrayed my trust, been cruel to me, or done other things that hurt me deeply. I tell them they had no right to do what they did, I didn’t deserve it, and I’m glad I never have to see or talk to them again.

Or I tell someone how much I love and miss them. I share fond memories of the good times we had together and apologize for my role in the not-so-good times. I tell them I’m grateful for all of the ways they made my life better and sad I can no longer see or talk to them.

Sometimes I express all of those sentiments to the same person. The people we love (and who love us) the most can also hurt us the most.

A request for help from a higher power

When I start to believe my inner critic’s claims that I will never succeed at what I want to do, I know I need help. So I ask for guidance from a higher power. I write the question, “Love, what do you want me to know or do today?” and then the wise answer Love never fails to provide.

Sometimes that answer is a specific action: take a nap, read a novel, write an article, share something on Notes or LinkedIn, etc. But usually it’s a reminder that I’m loved unconditionally and my worth does not depend on what I do or how much I earn. It’s broader wisdom that encourages me to do things like believe in myself, be proud of the ways I help others by sharing information and practices that have helped me, and don’t let worries about the future ruin the present.

I was shocked when

Elizabeth Gilbert

said in an interview that she does the same thing, and delighted when she started her Substack newsletter,

Letters From Love with Elizabeth Gilbert

. She publishes Love’s answers to her and her featured guest’s questions; paid subscribers can share their letters in the comments.

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Do you journal? If so, have you ever written any of these things? If not, do you want to?

Note: Only paid subscribers can comment, to keep this space as safe as possible for readers who want to share personal experiences or ask for help. However, anyone can use the arrows icon and “restack with a note” option to share this post and their comment on Notes (Substack’s Twitter-like platform)