I'm Passionate About Suicide Prevention Because I Know All Too Well How Deaths By Suicide Affect Loved Ones

And because I've had suicidal ideations, recovered, and want to help others by sharing my story

I know what it’s like to be in the grip of a severe depression and believe that death is the only way to escape unbearable emotional pain, because I’ve been there more than once. I now write and speak about my mental health journey because I want others who feel hopeless to know they’re not alone and help is available.

I publish this “Changing Lives” newsletter to help others by sharing what I’ve learned and done that has improved my mental and spiritual wellbeing.

I also know how devastating a death by suicide is to the loved ones left behind. My mom’s dad died by suicide when mom was ten years old. Mom’s younger sister found his body.

In my former career as a pastor, I met with a man years after his loved one had died by suicide. He wept as he discussed his memories of that day and its ongoing impact on his life. I also provided pastoral care to the parents of and led the memorial service for a young adult whose death was presumed to be a suicide.

All of these experiences have made me passionate about suicide prevention. I want people who are desperate enough to consider death by suicide to get the help they need. I want them and their loved ones to know how and where to get that help before it’s too late. And I want to reduce the stigma associated with needing that help by sharing my story as widely as possible.

How I help others deal with mental and spiritual health challenges

I’m not a medical or mental health professional and cannot diagnose or treat mental illnesses. But I provide peer support and encourage people to get professional help. I share my story as proof that recovery is possible. I speak at in-person and online events, lead workshops, and do private coaching.

I’ve created a Depression and Anxiety Survival Kit PDF based on what has helped me cope with and recover from both. It has practical suggestions and links to resources that may be helpful to you or someone you know.

One of those resources is the information about free support groups available on NAMI’s website (NAMI is the National Alliance on Mental Illness). I’m now a trained NAMI Recovery Support Group Facilitator and volunteer co-leader for one of those groups.

Another is the 988 crisis line accessible 24/7 via call or text in the United States. 988lifeline.org also offers 24/7 live chat and other helpful resources.

People in other countries can use this site to find a helpline.

Here are some additional suggestions based on my experience of depression and suicidal ideations:

1. Don’t tell someone contemplating death by suicide that their life is good compared to others and their emotional pain is not warranted. When I was severely depressed, well-meaning loved ones reminded me that other people’s lives were worse than mine. They said I should be grateful for what I had. Those statements only added to the shame I felt.
   

2. Know the risk factors and warning signs associated with suicide and plan what you’ll do if you or a loved one needs immediate help in advance. If possible, seek professional help before a crisis. When I needed help ASAP, I had few options and received care that did more harm than good. I eventually found an ideal provider, but could have saved myself a lot of suffering (and money) if I had found that provider sooner.
   

3. Don’t expect medications or counseling to be miracle cures. Both have been enormously helpful for me, but I didn’t instantly feel happy after taking a pill or seeing a therapist. It took a lot of time and effort to challenge negative core beliefs and cognitive distortions. I had to process painful past experiences and buried emotions. I also needed to resume fun activities I had stopped doing.
   

4. See recovery as an ongoing journey, not a destination. I’ve made remarkable progress and am much calmer and happier now. But I still have bad days and get into negative thought spirals. They just don’t happen as often or last as long as they used to.

Please seek professional help immediately if you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis. Use the 988 lifeline to get immediate help 24/7 in the United States or this site to find helplines in other countries.

If you are not in crisis and want peer support to cope with mental or spiritual health issues or other challenges in your life, my private coaching may be perfect for you.