We All Have Unhealed Wounds
It's much easier to change our lives and help others change theirs when we realize that
Have you ever read something that resonated with you so deeply it seemed like the person who wrote those words had somehow gotten inside your head (or heart) and described what they saw there? I have.
It always amazes me how much better I feel when someone else says or writes something that expresses my own thoughts and emotions perfectly. It’s so reassuring to know I’m not the only one who feels that way!
My most recent experience of that happened when I read the latest issue of Lisa Olivera’s wonderful “Human Stuff” newsletter. Here are some of the many words that reached out and grabbed me:
When I enter into seasons of deeper healing and greater personal need, shame can quickly return and find a home in my spirit. It can tell me things like … “you have so much information about self-compassion and healing — use it!”…
For those of us who have been doing healing work for a long time, it’s easy to feel like we should know it all by now, not need as much support anymore, and never return to places we’ve previously been. …
We receive messages constantly that we should be somewhere else, that we’d be happier if we had more, that healing is as simple as thinking positively, that it’s all our fault and therefore all up to us to shift how we view ourselves and the world…
That is an amazingly accurate description of how I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve felt like a fraud because I write about mental health when my own is far from ideal. I share the steps I’ve taken to challenge negative thoughts and learn to love myself but sometimes I fail to follow them even though I know how important they are.
It has been a great comfort and relief to discover how common those feelings are. In addition to Lisa’s words, I also recently came across this quote from Henri Nouwen, in the introduction of his book The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom:
Everything came crashing down — my self-esteem, my energy to live and work, my sense of being loved, my hope for healing, my trust in God… everything. Here I was, a writer about the spiritual life, known as someone who loves God and gives hope to people, flat on the ground and in total darkness.
Being reminded that others have wounds too, and are willing to talk or write about them, has been a liberating experience. It has helped me have the courage to do the same.
In fact, I discovered the quote from Henri Nouwen while writing an article about the healing power of sharing our wounds. You can read that article here.
So if you, like me, find yourself thinking you should be more healed by now, or more like someone else whose wounds seem to be in a more advanced stage of healing, I hope you’ll remember two things:
You are not alone. We all have unhealed wounds; some people just hide theirs.
Being honest about your wounds helps you and others heal.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Do you agree that we all have unhealed wounds? Does that make you feel any better about yours?
Have you experienced the healing power of sharing your wounds with someone, or having them open up to you about their wounds? Have you experienced negative consequences after being honest about your wounds with someone who abused your trust or otherwise added to your pain instead of helping you heal?
I hope you’ll contribute to a discussion of this topic by commenting below. However, if you’re a subscriber and don’t want to share your thoughts or personal experiences online, feel free to reply to me privately via email.
Great writing and piece, Wendi. Grateful we connected during Office Hours yesterday. As someone in long-term recovery, I can attest to the power of open, honest and frequent sharing. I'd wanted friends my whole life and I sought them out in unseemly places. Then one day back in 2008, I walked into a room of recovering alcoholics and knew I'd found my tribe.
Important reminder. Yes, only through feeling safe enough to share with complete openness have my wounds transformed. I had a 14 year grief journey taken with full commitment to going into, not "getting over" or "coping". It was my most profound teacher and transformation so far, sacred for the high price paid to have it.